It’s okay you felt overwhelmed!
Hey new mama, It’s okay you felt overwhelmed when they placed him on your chest. You wondered about that deep love and instant connection everyone talked about. The immediate bond. The erasing of all the pain. The wanting to do it all over again. That didn’t happen for you right away. And it’s okay. This love will grow - just wait & see.
It’s okay you felt relief when the nurse grabbed him because your arms were limp as spaghetti noodles. You didn’t have the strength to hold him. All you really wanted to do was catch your breath, close your eyes, and hug your husband.
It’s okay if all of this feels pretend some days, like maybe you’re babysitting someone else’s child. If breastfeeding sometimes feels unnatural, awkward & uncomfortable. If during the lonely, dark, tiring nights you consider throwing in the towel.
You don’t quit though - you keep at it. Your strength and patience surprises you. Is this how God looks at us? With endless patience? Yeah, I think it is.
Before you know it mama, his head will tilt your way and his eyes will lock with yours. All because he hears your voice. The one that’s been familiar all along. And your heart will crumble, it will soften. All the effort and pain will make sense. All the forgetfulness and fog and feeling completely distracted will have purpose.
He is yours & you are his. Nothing will change that. But you’re still getting to know each other so let yourself be curious. Feel things wide and deep or not at all. Enjoy something one moment & admit it’s frustrating the next. Be grateful for what is while grieving what isn’t anymore. It’s okay to live inside both. Because it’s all a season. And you’re brand new to it all.
Soon enough, you’ll settle into a new normal that feels familiar. Like someplace you’ve been before. Delight in those moments. Hold them close. And give grace when all of this feels foreign.
Above all, be tender to that heart of yours & the body that broke open. You are being refined, held, restored & made new. And it’s a beautiful thing. You were made for this. 🙏🏽
(Just a few words I really needed - maybe someone out there needs them too?)
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