How to show support while still feeling a tad jealous
We’ve all been there. You know what I’m talking about. Those moments where you see someone doing better than you. Or at least assuming they’re doing better than you just because of what you see on social media or based on what they’re telling you. And you feel that little twinge of jealousy that causes you to pull away.
As someone who battles anxiety and depression on the daily, i can tell you right now i have lost definitely gone through this on way too many occasions. People will always say “You just need to be happy for people for all the positive changes etc going on in their life”. And yes, that is true! You should always be happy for your loved ones and fellow friends who are succeeding and being amazing parents and managing a successful relationship or marriage etc. But i also understand feeling jealous. It’s not that you don’t want these people to do bad. You just wish you were in the same boat or doing just a little better. I totally get it! I still on some occasions feel that little twinge of jealousy deep inside because i see people holding down a successful full time job while also being a mother. Or i see these families going on vacations multiple times a year and i wish that was me! WE ALL FEEL THIS WAY I PROMISE. Whether you admit it or not though is up to you. When i finally decided to grow up and act like the adult i am, that’s when i realized i was being ridiculous. I would feel jealous because someone would get more likes on a post on social media than me and i didn’t understand why. I wondered if anyone truly was happy for me or if they really truly cared about me. I wondered why i was being ignored and why i felt a little abandonment from people who were supposed to be supportive. But in order to live a truly happy life, we can’t act this way with the people we care about. Showing support is a big way to show someone that you care about them. It tells them you’re around and you cherish the moments you’re able to see in their life. I’m a HUGE supporter of all of my loved ones. I only want to see my friends and few family members do well in life. The thing with anxiety and depression though is that sometimes we may feel these things and it could be totally taken out of context. We could think someone doesn’t care even though they really do. We call this “overthinking”. This isn’t just an anxiety and depression thing. We ALL overthink to some degree in life. I don’t think I’ll ever NOT overthink lol! What I’m trying to say is, it’s normal to feel a little on the down side when you’re feeling neglected. It’s normal to get jealous when it seems like you’re not good enough but someone else, anyone else really, is. These are all such normal feelings that when people get mad about you confronting them about these feelings, i don’t understand it!
Here’s the issue with jealousy, we all have it. You can deny it all you want but we are all jealous at some point. Whether the reason for our jealousy is dumb or not, it happens. The good news is, jealousy usually goes away. I’m not really referring to jealousy in a relationship such as your boyfriend/girlfriend or a marriage. I’m referring to jealousy just in general, in friendships, with family members, etc. If you feel like you’re behind in life but you see someone else doing so well it makes you just want to throw a vase and break it, this is for you. Your time will come when God will allow you to have the things that you’re SUPPOSED to have. Not married currently? Then it’s not your time. No kids yet? Not your time! You haven’t bought a house since becoming an adult? NOT YOUR TIME. Your time will come and if it doesn’t, it was never meant to be. But just because you’re feeling some type of way is no reason for you to make anyone else feel down about all of their success. Everything happens in different ways at different times for some people. God knows what he’s doing. Don’t question him because he always knows. He is God after all.
My advice to you over-thinkers, Let it go. If you feel truly unsupported and neglected, let those people go. Don’t allow anyone to stay in your life that upsets you and hurts your feelings. You don’t deserve to feel on the negative side because of something so trivial. Before you decide to kick someone out of your life though, i would make an effort and have a conversation with them just to make sure you’re both on the same page. When wires are crossed it can get messy. Don’t end a relationship/friendship for no reason!
My advice to those of you who are confronted by said over-thinkers, be understanding. Show compassion. Don’t overreact and tell these people there’s nothing wrong. Be supportive. Real friends, real family, they’re supportive people who love being there and love making it known that they’re there. Even if it means just clicking a like button or sending a short “How ya doin?” message, these things can make such a difference on an individual. Especially an individual who does battle anxiety and depression on the daily.
It’s so easy to maintain a positive and happy life. Be equally supportive and there and it will happen! But no friendship, no relationship can ever survive if they’re not treated equally. Be kind. Be patient. Be good!
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